Real life: there are actually plenty of job openings for people who do what I do because my colleagues keep dying or ending up in the hospital for a long time, apparently due to work-related stress. I wish I were kidding (although that would be kind of a fucked up joke).
Usually I’m fine, but I just had a terrible week at work, and a total meltdown was only averted when my friend Cat from Snow White and the Asian Pear sent me some well-timed emergency EXO gifs. Who knows what might have happened if not for liberal application of abs to the fire in my eyes.
Following such a fucktastically awful experience, I probably needed a really nice mask and some time for light [NC-17] reading.
Instead, I got to test the Dr.Jart+ Firm Lover Rubber Mask.
Seriously, fuck this week.
PSA: Where to Put Masks in Your Routine
Uncertain about where to put Dr.Jart+ Rubber Masks in your routine? Stick them in the final essence spot just before applying a cream. Check out my visual guide to skincare for a printable chart.
How to Use Dr.Jart+ Rubber Masks
The directions are the same for all of the Dr.Jart+ Rubber Masks.
- Massage Step 01 Ampoule Pack into your skin.
- Open the Step 02 Rubber Mask pouch. Remove the film, place the mask pieces on your face, and gently press them into your skin.
- Leave the mask on for 15 to 20 minutes. The mask may be left on for up to 40 minutes for maximum hydration.
- Once done, remove the mask gently and massage the remaining ampoule into your skin.
Dr.Jart+ Firm Lover Rubber Mask Review
You’re going to buy this and try it once no matter what I write. The reason you’re going to buy it is because Dr.Jart+ thought it would be cool to put a rubber-clad baby dom on the packaging. The reason you’re only going to try it once is because it’s expensive and sucks.
About the name: Firm Lover in the US vs. Firming Lover in Korea
I bought my mask from Korea and therefore the name of this flavor is Firming Lover (here it is on the Dr.Jart+ Korea website). If you buy the same mask in the US from an authorized retailer like Sephora, the name is Firm Lover. The idea that people probably get paid to sit around a conference table and rename masks more suggestively while I’m off dealing with shitstorms that kill off my colleagues makes me saltier than I can properly express. At least give me a mask that’s good.
Sheet Size and Fit
The sheet is kind of small, actually. I mean, my face is giant, so the fact that this non-stretchy mask doesn’t reach all the edges isn’t exactly shocking, but that in combination with the generous eye and mouth holes means that I’m not getting a full-face cover. The rubbery material makes it difficult to smoosh the mask completely down into my nose.
Sheet Material and Thickness
The rubber sheet is meant to be like a pre-made modeling mask, but it reminds me more of the too-thick ham that ends up in my weekend bagel sandwich from time to time because the staff at the shop are rushing to get the orders out. urgh
Firm Lover Ingredients
STEP 01: Intensive Firming Ampoule Pack: Water, Dipropylene Glycol, Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride, PEG-240/HDICopolymer Bis-Decyltetradeceth-20 Ether, Glycerin, Panthenol, Sodium Hyaluronate, Sorbitan Sesquioleate, Cetearyl Alcohol, Mangifera Indica (Mango) Seed Butter, Macadamia Integrifolia Seed Oil, Butylene Glycol, Fragaria Chiloensis (Strawberry) Fruit Extract,Rubus Idaeus (Raspberry) Fruit Extract, Vaccinium Angustifolium (Blueberry) Fruit Extract, Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Leaf Oil, Glyceryl Stearate, PEG-100 Stearate, Dimethicone, Glycereth-26, Trehalose, Ethylhexylglycerin, Betaine, Disodium EDTA, Allantoin, Phenoxyethanol, 1,2-Hexanediol. CosDNA analysis.
STEP 02: Firming Wrapping Rubber Mask: Water, Methylpropanediol, Chondrus Crispus Extract, Glycerin, 1,2-Hexanediol, Algin, Calcium Lactate, Butylene Glycol, Porphyra Yezoensis Extract,Gelidium Cartilagineum Extract, Dipotassium Glycyrrhizate, Panthenol, Allantoin, PEG-60 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Titanium Dioxide, Polymethylsilsesquioxane, Eclipta Prostrata Extract, Melia Azadirachta Leaf Extract, Moringa Oleifera Seed Oil, Silica, Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Leaf Oil, Disodium EDTA, Ceratonia Siliqua Gum, Sucrose, Potassium Chloride, Xanthan Gum, Citric Acid, Sodium Citrate, Phenoxyethanol, Ethylhexylglycerin. CosDNA analysis.
The essence has a wiggly, self-smoothing cream-gel texture that mashes out into what looks like chunky jizz and finally smooths down into a light, watery essence. Cool concept, wish it wasn’t irritating to my skin.
After 35 minutes of wearing the mask, I removed the sheets and my skin felt like I had applied a heavy-ish moisturizer that was somewhat irritating. I literally could have applied a not-irritating fairly heavy moisturizer to get the same effect minus the ham face, but whatever, late state capitalism…
This smells like the fakeass lavender scent everything smells like these days, yuck.
Dr.Jart+ Firm Lover Rubber Mask Results
It looks like two thick-cut pieces of deli ham on my face. It costs $12 plus tax in the US. The essence is irritating and doesn’t smell good to me. The fairly heavy mask sheets threatened to flop like a rubber lover going soft the moment I thought about giggling.
I’VE HAD A FUCKING LONG WEEK AND I DESERVE A BETTER MASK!
And I think you do, too.
Where to Find Them
Fine, fine, buy a rubber dom baby for the ‘gram, it’s ok, I did, too. sigh
Find better masks
I’ve reviewed quite a few sheet masks and most of them can easily beat this mess in terms of price, comfort, and results. Find the reviews in the sheet mask category.
I’m away from my desk right now, so bear with me while I approve comments and respond to questions. 🙁
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